Call the Doctor
by JunoInferno
Summary: The Doctor, Donna and family are sidetracked to 1950s Poplar where they encounter Nerys' grandmother and a baby show. Regarding Mrs Smith universe.


Author's Notes: I do not own Doctor Who or Call the Midwife. Usually I try to resist crossing over the Regarding Mrs Smith universe with things, but I am sick and in bed and my brain couldn't resist. Besides, it's based on someone's memoirs, right? Hopefully if you're familiar with the Regarding Mrs Smith universe, this will be fun. If you're some Call the Midwife fan with no clue what I'm on about, pretend the Doctor and Donna got married and had ginger Time Babies and maybe this will be fun. If it's not, sorry. Put this after Middle Time Baby Syndrope and during the summer fete in the second series of Call the Midwife. Thank you and happy reading!

* * *

With a flourish the Doctor landed the TARDIS. Zara and Chloe held the railing next to him and watched with glee. He beamed back. He loved showing off for them, though he would never admit it.

Donna held on to the jump seat as Geoffrey sat in the baby carrier. It worried her how much he giggled as the TARDIS jostled about. Esther stood next to her on the floor using all four paws to stabilize herself.

"There we are!," said the Doctor.

"Where, Daddy?," asked Chloe.

"Outside that door is the third moon of Asterline Eight, the best spot for a picnic in the whole universe."

"Allons-y!," said Zara following him out and grabbing Esther's lead.

Donna gathered the baby and followed the rest out to find that they were not on Asterline Eight.

"Doctor."

"Yes?"

"I don't think this is the third moon of Asterline Eight."

"Well..."

"This is London!," said Zara. She looked up at the Doctor. "Daddy, you got it wrong."

"Well... not quite wrong, just not quite right yet."

Donna looked around. "Well, there's the river and the bicycles and... oh, my God, is that baby just sitting outside in its pram?"

The Doctor looked down the road at the baby in question. "Yes, they did that so the baby could get fresh air."

"Any nutter could just walk off with him!," Donna protested.

"Well, disease was a more pressing concern, really, Donna, do me a favor, don't look up."

"Why shouldn't I look up?"

"There's a baby!"

Donna looked up and saw a baby...

"That baby is in a cage! Just hanging over the pavement!," Donna shouted. "What the hell is going on here?"

"It's quite ingenious when you think about it," said the Doctor.

"A cage!"

"Can I go in the cage?," asked Chloe.

"No!," Donna shouted vehemently.

"Oh, look a fete!," said Zara.

"Zara, watch your-"

Just then, a woman in a red cap squealed to a halt on her bicycle. Zara rushed to protect Esther.

"Zara!," called Donna.

"Are you alright, darling?," asked the woman.

"Yes," said Zara.

"And your dog?"

"She's okay."

"Zara, apologize," said Donna.

"No, no, it's quite alright. I should have been paying more attention." Her gaze went to Geoffrey. "I haven't seen you before."

"Oh, we're new to the neighborhood," said the Doctor.

"Why should you have seen us before?," asked Donna.

"I'm a midwife," she said. "I know all the babies in Poplar, except for this little one."

"He's Geoffrey," said the Doctor. "I'm uh, John Smith and this is Donna, Zara and Chloe."

She smiled. "Nurse Jenny Lee."

"When's the fete?," asked Zara.

"Tomorrow at Nonnatus House," said Jenny. "There will be games and a handicrafts stall and a baby show."

"A baby show?," asked Donna. "What? Like Toddlers and Tiaras? Do they have to dance? Well, might as well cage dance..."

Jenny clearly had no idea what Donna was on about.

"No, Clifford Raines is going to be the judge. The prize is for most beautiful baby."

Just then, someone who looked remarkably like Nerys happened to pass by with a gleaming pram. "Well, I wouldn't bother entering. My Pippa is going to win."

Donna stared slack-jawed at the woman.

"Not Nerys," Zara whispered to Chloe.

"Oh, this is Mrs. Nerys Gardner. This is Mister and Mrs Smith. They're new to Poplar."

Nerys the First stared down at them. "Well, isn't that nice."

"Yes, you're-"

"I'm what?," asked Nerys.

"Sorry. You just look like someone," said Donna. "So, you think you're going to win this baby show thing?"

"Donna..." the Doctor warned in a low voice.

"Yes, Pippa is the most beautiful baby in Poplar. Isn't that right, Nurse Lee? You delivered her."

"Well, I couldn't possibly-"

"Maybe that was the case, but Geoffrey just got here," said Donna.

"Him? How could you think he holds a candle to my Pippa?"

"I bet she won't age well," said Donna.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Anyway," said Jenny, "I must be getting on with my rounds. Lovely to meet you all. Zara, Chloe, I'll be sure to look for you at the fete."

She rode off.

"Do yourself a favor," said Nerys, "don't bother entering that strange baby in the baby show. No wonder with a father the likes of him."

"Look, you cow," said Donna, "I am going to enter my gorgeous boy in that baby show and we are going to wipe the floor with you both."

Nerys turned up her nose and pushed off with the pram.

The Doctor stood perplexed. "You can save planets, free races, save the entire universe and yet, when you get back to London, you have to get in a baby contest with someone. Literally in this case. What is it? Is it like some primal social urge you can't fight?"

"That's Nerys' grandmother and her mum and after seeing Nerys' triplets I will be damned if they are going to call Geoffrey ugly." Donna turned back to the infant. "Who's the most beautiful boy in the whole universe? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"

"I want to go to the fete, Daddy," said Zara.

The Doctor groaned. "Donna, please, do we have to enter Geoffrey in the baby show?"

"Yes, of course we do," said Donna. "Come on. We have to get back in the TARDIS and find something to wear."

* * *

The next day, the family got in their fifties finery. The Doctor wore his usual but was gelling his hair back in Teddy boy style. As he finished, the Doctor turned to the girls.

"So, what do we think?"

Zara and Chloe looked at each other.

"What?," asked the Doctor.

"No, Daddy," said Zara.

"What do you mean no?," the Doctor asked in outrage.

"No," said Zara.

"You look silly," said Chloe.

"I've never had any complaints before!"

The girls turned back to each other as if pondering this further and then turned back.

"No, Daddy," said Zara.

The Doctor sighed and grudgingly undid the look, returning to his usual moderate spikiness. He finished just in time for Donna to enter pushing Geoffrey in an old style pram.

"Where did that thing come from?," asked the Doctor.

"My mum gave it to us, you know how she can't bin anything and has never heard of a charity shop." Donna fussed with the edge of the pram. "Do you think it's alright? It doesn't seem very ergonomic."

"You know children did live on your planet for thousands of years before safety seats. Memory foam pushchairs and Peppa Pig."

"No Peppa Pig?," asked Chloe.

"Come on, girls," said Donna. "We have to be off to the fete."

They made their way to the house, following the crowd of people headed to the fair. The Doctor and the girls played the games while Donna did reconnaissance with the other mums.

"Do you see this Clifford Raines?," asked Donna after she had reunited with her family.

"Why?," asked the Doctor.

"To introduce myself," said Donna. She then did a slight hair flip that revealed her true intentions.

"Donna!," the Doctor said in flustered outrage.

"What?"

"Are you going to flirt with the baby show judge?"

"You know Nerys is going to."

"Donna, this a step too far. You cannot go around flirting to win a baby show! I am your husband and I forbid it!"

Donna put her hand on her hip. "You forbid it?"

"Well," the Doctor stammered, "maybe forbid is the wrong word."

"I think you'll find it is."

"I would strongly advise against it..."

Donna looked around. "You know what? I've been chatting with some of the other ladies and I'm one of the oldest mums here. There are women my age with grandchildren, which I know isn't impossible, but they look so old!," Donna whispered the last bit. "I don't look that old, do I?"

"You could never look old to me," said the Doctor.

Donna smiled. "Well, say what you like about older men, but you've got that going for you."

The Doctor frowned. "What do they say about older men?"

Just then, Nerys the First arrived with her baby.

"Oh, look who it is," said Nerys. "Decided to come and be embarrassed, have you?"

"The only one leaving embarrassed is you, lady," said Donna. "Geoffrey is going to be absolutely brilliant. Aren't you, sweetheart?"

Geoffrey giggled and replied with an enthusiastic, "Yes!"

Nerys' jaw dropped. "He can talk?"

"Yes, he can talk," said Donna.

"Babies that age can't talk!," she protested.

"Well, maybe yours can't," said Donna.

"It's a trick! It's some kind of trick! Nurse Lee!"

Jenny was trying to pass by unnoticed. "Hello, Mrs Gardner. Mister and Mrs Smith."

Nerys the First pointed at Donna. "She's tricked her baby into talking!"

"How could I trick him into talking?," asked Donna.

"I'm sure you're-"

"Hi!," said Geoffrey.

Jenny was taken aback. "He just spoke?"

"All my children are early talkers," said Donna.

"No surprise, really," said the Doctor. "You ought to hear the pair of us."

"That is remarkable," said Jenny.

"Aren't you going to disqualify her?," asked Nerys.

"For what?," snapped Donna.

The nurse was saved when an announcement was made about the judging. Clifford Raines would not be coming, but the babies were to be judged by Sister Monica Joan, an older woman who had devoted her life's work to mothers and children. Donna and Nerys gathered with the rest of the babies at the judging table.

Sister Monica Joan finally came around to Geoffrey. "It is unfair for him to be in the competition."

"What?," asked Donna as Nerys smirked.

"Starlight shines through him. It is a dishonest advantage."

"What do you mean starlight?," asked Nerys.

Donna leaned in. She supposed the nun probably had some latent psychic talent or whatever, at least that's what she knew the Doctor would say when pressed for an explanation. "Is that really fair, though? I mean, it's not his fault, is it? And come on, even without the starlight, I'm just about the only non-smoking mum here, not to mention, I just saw a pregnant woman with a pint. That's got to count for something. Not to mention, I've never put my babu in a cage."

"What are you on about?," asked Nerys. "Smoking's never hurt anyone."

"Yeah, just wait and see about that."

"My decision is immemorial," said Sister Monica Joan moving on down the line.

Donna was disappointed to say the least, but Nerys didn't win. Pippa only took home honorable mention ater Sister Monica Joan mentioned some "coldness in her soul." Zara and Chloe played more games and eventually the family came across their new friend again.

"Nurse Lee!," said Zara.

Jenny smiled. "Hello, Zara. Chloe, Mister Smith. How did your son do in the baby show? I had to see a patient."

"Oh, you know, disqualified," said the Doctor.

"Disqualified?," asked Jenny.

Sister Monica Joan had joined them. "Starlight shines through him. The turn of the cosmos pulses through his veins."

"Nobody said that was a disqualification," said Donna. "You really should mention these sorts of things."

"Well," said Jenny, "you still have a beautiful little boy and your two lovely girls."

"That's what I've always thought," said the Doctor. "We're already winners. Though there was the time I won that beauty pageant on Saturn."

Donna rolled her eyes. "Yes, we know. He's still got the sash."

Jenny frowned.

Nerys the First approached. "Sorry you had to come out to be disappointed. He does have some ginger in him."

Donna's jaw dropped. "You utter cow!"

"See? Ginger, hostile as ever," said Nerys.

"Is this what it's been about all these years? This is why she always teased me, always made my life a misery?! It was you! All this time!"

"Calm down. I only met you yesterday!," said Nerys.

"Do not assume time is a strict progression of cause to effect," said Sister Monica Joan. "From a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey..."

"Stuff!," finished the Doctor. "I'm always saying that!"

Nerys shook her head. "This is why I don't let my children play with gingers." She stormed off.

"I don't think I understand anything that just happened," said Jenny.

"It's best not to think about it," said the Doctor.

"Do excuse us," said Jenny taking Sister Monica Joan with her.

"Oh, my God," said Donna. She turned to the Doctor. "What if by making Nerys' gran angry I created my own worst enemy? I'm responsible for Nerys!"

"It's a thought..." said the Doctor.

"Is that why the TARDIS brought us here?," asked Donna. "Because I had to create my own enemy?!"

"Well," said the Doctor, tugging his ear, "it's been known to happen."

"Come on, girls," said Donna. "We had better get out of here before we find out how that news agent across the road from Gramps got there."

They started walking off towards the TARDIS.

"Do you think I have a chance at reclaiming my Mister Saturn title?," asked the Doctor.

"Well, half of the other contestants had been eaten," said Donna.

"Wait a minute," said the Doctor, patting down his pockets in a panic.

"What?," asked Donna.

"That nun stole my sonic screwdriver!"


End file.
